Looking Forward to Chemo

Posted on July 5th, 2011

Is it Tuesday?

I think it is. No, I know it is.

But only because I checked.

But sometimes, I feel that time no longer has the same boundaries as it used to.

When did this whole nightmare start? Just a week ago? Maybe a few more days, maybe a few less.

The test from yesterday was “good.”

So now we need to go to Tel Aviv for another test.

And then after that, another.

What an odd concept that we are actually eager to get to chemo.

Chemo makes you sick. My Mom went through it just this year. (Yeah, the Frankl family has become way too familiar with cancer.)

It makes you sick. It makes your hair fall out. It causes all sorts of problems because while it’s killing cancer cells, it’s also killing everything else in sight.

But we are looking forward to chemo because that will mean we are one step closer to the end of this nightmare and maybe we can get our old lives back.

In an attempt to put just a fraction of order into our new lives I started running again.

Just a few kilometers to get my heart pumping.

At first I decided I would just jog since it’s been awhile.

But when I jog I have time to think and sometimes thinking too much about really bad things is a problem.

So I run fast. I run fast until my heart is beating, my breath is short, and I can work up a good sweat.

I run fast enough so that it clears my mind and all I can think about for half an hour is the run.

But not matter how fast I run, I cannot run away from the fact that the woman I love has cancer.

Sorry that this post turned into a bit of a downer. Let’s hope that we have some good news tomorrow, and I can write something funny.

I know that I should focus on what positive things I can do to help the situation.

And maybe I shall.

Tomorrow. I’m too tired now.

Wait — here is a pick me up. A wonderful comment was just put on yesterday’s post. Read this:

Dearest Stella and Yarden,

First of all- big bear hugs!! We love you and are davening for you!

As I read this shocking news..the picture that keeps coming in mind is of you, beautiful Stella lighting the torch on this past Yom Ha’atzmaut. I remember as they called each person up and when they called you, tears came to my eyes- you went up in your usual T”zanu’a way (modest) and lit your so deserving torch. I was so proud that I know you and was so happy that the yishuv chose you to honor us. Stella- I don’t get to see you much, each of us busy b”h but every time I see you or have a good shmooze with you- I’m in awe for days after.

Your sincere care for others is so obviously noticed- if it’s a good morning smile on your daily walk or some great life tips you have given at time of need. You somehow are always there at the right time and know just what to say…and always so soft spoken and so tzanu’a. I think at a time like this- we all have to learn from you and try emulate these traits of yours- your chessed and caring for others and your very modest behavior and softspoken voice- and in the zechut of us trying to become better people because of you may Hashem send you a Speeedy Refuah Shleima.

Thank you from both of us.

 

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Comments

  1. Laurie and David Cohen says:

    Yarden,
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Stella and the kids.

  2. rutimizrachi says:

    What a beautiful letter! Thank you for sharing it Yarden. The burden of illness is surely lightened by hearing that we have made a difference in people’s lives.

    Thank you for sharing you, as well. As Rabbi Ron taught us this evening in the shiur dedicated to a refua shelaima for the woman you love, bikur cholim is all about empathy. People who lock up their feelings, putting on a too-brave face, close out the opportunity for empathy.

    We can’t fix it for Stella. That is in G-d’s hands. We will try us hard as we can to do what each of us thinks will help, trying to add to the spiritual aspect of the refua.

    We can’t fix it for Stella’s dear husband and kids, either. But we can listen. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to hear.

  3. Denny and Debbie Berman says:

    Dear Yarden and Stella,
    Debbie and I are including Stella in our prayers!
    We had a “Stella” challah (baked by Dafna) last Shabbat.
    Stella’s name is being included in a “request for refua” prayer at the Rebbe’s kever.
    With all the people “storming” the heavens, we expect that H-shem will have to relent and send a refua – soon!
    Love,
    Denny and Debbie

  4. Paul Goldstein says:

    To the author of the letter – you know Stella from Israel, my wife and I know her from Potomac. She hasn’t changed. She’s probably always been the same, and this is probably the reason Yarden picked her for his aishes chayel. (Why she picked him is another story.) You guys continue to be in our hearts and prayers. Refuah shalema, Stella.

  5. jessica eizenstat says:

    Jordan,

    We are very sorry to hear about Stella’s diagnosis and based on your post’s and the obvious feelings about a cancer diagnosis, we are certain that this is an extremely difficult time for your family. We wish Stella a speedy refuah and hope that the chemo is not too taxing and the recovery smooth and simple.

    Best Wishes,

    Jessica & Jay Eizenstat

  6. libby anfinsen says:

    Stella the calm ‘mother earth’ beauty…….May G-d shower you with His blessings……first to eradicate the poison in your tummy, and then a complete
    recovery with added strength to you and Jordan and your children to cope with
    this dreadful task. We are all pulling along with you, and send you our love!libby anfinsen

  7. Benamou family says:

    Dear Yarden & Stella,

    Although we didn’t get to know each other very well (we moved here just one year before you made Aliyah), I knew Yarden from my work at TSGW. I admired you back then for making Aliyah, and I am in shock now from this news, which we just heard today. We are putting Tzuriya Kochevet bat Sara on our cholim list immediately and will pray for her and do mitzvot lizchuta. May you have the strength to sail through this ordeal and may you all be healthy ad 120. Here is a big hug from all of us. Refuah Shleima

  8. Donna Zeff says:

    I dont know if you really even know who I am, but I know you, and I want both of you, and your entire family, to know that my husband and I, way out here in Sacramento California, will be thinking of you and praying for you: to be strong, to be healthy, to be whole, so that the rest of us can continue to benefit from your wonderful contribution to the welfare of all of Am Israel. Way out here in Sacramento, we will make sure that Stella’s name will be added to the list of those the congregation here is praying for, and with G-d’s help you will find the strength to go through whatever new challenges await you, and to come out stronger on the other side. We love you and will think of you and have you in mind in all of our prayers.

  9. Bruce & Shelly Wiener says:

    We are very sorry to hear of Stella’s condition and hope and pray for the best. We know she is strong and will prevail. All our best.

  10. Talia Cohen says:

    Hagay and I send you love and best wishes. Our thoughts are with you. (We lived across the cul de sac from you on Greenleaf). Talia and Hagay Cohen