I Need Your Prayers

Posted on November 8th, 2013

Friends,

I need you to pray for Stella right now. I don’t care what language or faith you pray in, I need your prayers.

But before you respond. Before you “like” or tell me you are on it, I need you to hear something.

There’s a catch. A very difficult catch.

I do not want you to pray for Stella’s life any more.

Stella cannot sit up in bed. She does not make any sense when she wakes up. She becomes angry and agitated. Her body is a battleground of ports and catheters and morphine patches and scars. She has not eaten in a week and her bones show through. She has no control over her body. Every two or three hours I have to give her an injection. Doesn’t matter if its two in the morning or ten at night. I haven’t had a night’s sleep in……. I don’t know.

This is no way to live. For either of us.

The last coherent thing she was able to say was devastating. She looked at me with pleading eyes and and said “Please. Don’t talk any more. Don’t touch me. Please help me die.”

My heart is torn in shreds. She has gotten so much morphine in the last forty hours that there is no way she should continue waking up. But she does. And she cries. And begs that this be over.

And the only explanation I can think of is that the very strength that has enabled her to survive for so long against impossible odds and still enjoy a quality of life is now working against her. The prayers from all over the world, that have sustained her, are now counter-productive. Her time has come (much as this breaks my heart, shatters my heart, drives me insane to write this. Even now, the tears drop on to my keyboard.)

And so now I ask all of you who have been so sincerely praying for Stella, to change your prayers.

Please pray that the suffering end. That she can finally rest in peace. That she can leave this world and go back to heaven, which is where my angel came from. Yes, pray that God take her and do so now. We can’t go on like this.

I have known Stella for almost thirty years. She was my best friend. Then my wife. Then the mother of my children. There’s not a decision that I did not seek her advice on. She has never asked me for anything. No jewelry, clothing, vacations, cars, birthday or anniversary presents, etc.) Nothing. Until now.

And it’s the one thing I don’t think I can do.

I am told that there is a Gemerah (Katubos) that tells a story of the death of Rabbi Yehuda, a great sage of ancient times. He was quite sick and his students were praying non-stop that he not die. A servant dropped a dish on the floor that shattered and for a moment broke the concentration of those praying. At that moment his soul ascended to heaven.

I am not at the edge of the cliff, I have fallen over it. But I can’t land. I know it will hurt like crazy when I do, but I also know I can’t keep falling forever.

StellanewIf you really love Stella, then please ask God that he end this.

Please forgive me for asking this.

I want everyone to remember Stella like this picture. Not like she is now.

Yarden Frankl, Neve Daniel

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Comments

  1. Brian Miller says:

    I’m in.

  2. Noa says:

    I am praying for peace for Stella’s battered body and mind, and strength and healing for you and your family.

  3. I will pray as you have asked for Stella’s suffering to end, but I leave it in Hashem’s Hands to determine how that plays out.

    Shabbat Shalom!
    Tehillah

  4. Rivkah Adler says:

    We are unspeakably moved by your plea and are praying not only for Stella’s suffering to come to an end, but also for Techiyat HaMeitim to begin so that you and Stella can be together again without the limitations of our fragile, physical bodies.

  5. Mush says:

    ๐Ÿ™

  6. Yael says:

    Done.
    Comfort, solace, and all that you need for what comes next and what comes after that.

  7. Rebekah says:

    Yarden Frankl. Thank you for sharing this journey.โ€œPlease. Donโ€™t talk any more. Donโ€™t touch me. Please help me die.โ€ Thank God you believe in Stella’s life beyond and have asked for prayer. Thank God you respect his decision over life and death-to-life. May God take Stella to Heaven as soon as possible; may your journey until then be filled with a sense of his loving-kindness and mercy.

  8. Rachel Ann says:

    May your wife move peacefully into the next world.

  9. Yosef Goldstein says:

    You’ve got it, we are supposed to pray for His mercy in times like these. I think His mercy is rest; physical and spiritual rest for you and your family and bodily rest for your sweet bride. I am sorry that it has come to this……

  10. Miriam Poch says:

    When My mother A”H was very ill, my sisters and I each indivually without any consultation went to her bedside and told her we loved her, and that it was o.k for her to stop fighting. We said Vidui at her bed side. She died a couple of days later.

    It was very hard. It is very hard to let go.

    May Hahsen give you strength to get through this and to be there for your children.

    There are no words, only heartfelt thoughts. Be strong. Miriam.

  11. David says:

    May the Holy One, Blessed is He, be close to both of you in this trying time.

  12. Greg Neilsen says:

    Yarden,
    Breaks my heart for Stella to move on, but why is a question we can no longer ask. I pray for her to be at peace. I pray for your continued strength, courage and determination. You and your family are in the hearts and minds of many.

  13. Margie Rifkin says:

    I don’t think I can say it any better than all of the above. May G-d grant all of you peace.

  14. Deb Freeland says:

    May “H bring your dear Stella home to Him and may you be comforted with the mourners in Zion. IY”

  15. Lynn Staples says:

    I feel your pain, my late husband was very similar to this, he had multiple organ failure after suffering a massive heart attack, and going into cardiac shock hours later, his kidney’s and liver were damaged then though we were never told this at the time. He had a quadruple by-pass, it did little or no good, except give him a massive infection in the chest wound, so he spent his 50th birthday in hospital in agony. Then his leg where they harvested the vein for the grafts, about 6 weeks later he got cellulitis, and again in agony. Consequently fluid began leaking from the bottom of his leg, and it couldn’t be stopped, 4 months he had his leg bandaged every other day by the district nurse calling here, apart from when he spent some time in hospital again. He survived 9 months with severe heart failure, trying to find the right balance of enough water tablets to stop too much water retention, but not too many that his kidneys began to shut down, through the long hot summer of 2003 he was on a fluid restriction of 1/2 a litre and still he retained fluid, he looked like he was 18 months pregnant, but couldn’t eat. His last 11 days were spent in hospital having morphine injections, and ora-morph just to keep him comfortable and calm. Three days before he died I stood and watched Dr’s attempt to get a new line in 4 times, and tried to get blood 6 times, but weren’t able to get a vein, each one collapsed as they tried, even in his groin,and it really hurt him by this time, so I asked that all intervention be withheld, just keep him comfortable. The Dr had to ask Ken if he agreed with the decision, he did. We were lucky without any of his medication he only survived 3 more days, and I was with him for his final moments, he died in my arms after just over 28 years with the most wonderful man I was alone, but I was happier with that, than him suffering any longer.
    I don’t normally pray anymore, my religious views have changed over the years, but I will pray your dear wife passes very soon, pain free, and she just goes to sleep and doesn’t wake up again, now would be a good time. I send you {{Hugs}} and the strength to live through this terrible time with some dignity and you are at last able to relax knowing she is at peace.

  16. Natasha Kraft says:

    Stella – you have permission to stop the fight. Go be with HaShem and find eternal peace, happiness and no more pain.
    Yarden, your letter is one of pain and care. May HaShem answer your prayers.

  17. Fay Clymer says:

    A loss at any age diminishes us all…this loss will be truly enormous for you,your children and family of dear friends who have been at your side thoughout the great effort to keep Stella with you/us…the old saying translates…’Man plans G-d laughs’She/you all has /have been in my prayers …may Hashem grant her peace and all of you the strength and courage to live your lives in the days and years to come…no one truly leaves us…they always have a precious place in our hearts and soul …shalom and love..Ger’s Mom…Fay

  18. J.rivkah says:

    I’m also in. I pray for Peace and Moshiach. I pray that you and kol Am. Yisra’el end their suffering though comfort, grace and loving hands. I’m praying for us all.

  19. Tamar says:

    Amen. What everyone else said.

    Plus, I just want to add that there’s certainly nothing that needs forgiveness in your post: The servant of Rebbe Yehuda saw his pain and purposely made noise to distract all the many who were praying for Rebbe’s life to continue so his soul could be freed — and for this she is praised by the Talmud. She knew better than all the great Rabbis, which is why this story is even in the Talmud in the first place.

    There’s no question that you know better than anyone else what is best for Stella. And she herself asked for your help. May God help you both.

  20. Channa says:

    Crying… for you, for her, for your children. May God be with you, now and always. May He ease the pain…

  21. ahuva says:

    my mother says, sometimes we pray for a refuah, sometimes we pray for a yeshuah. it sounds like your wife needs us all to pray for her to have a yeshuah.

  22. rachel himels says:

    May you both have the peace that Hashem wishes for you…
    difficult to come to terms with this even as we know and understand your words.
    Only out of love for both of you and because we are so honoured to have spent time in this world with our beloved Stella.

  23. unbelievably courageous of you!
    may hashem grant you the menucha you need!

  24. Jason says:

    I hope you both find your peace…

  25. Evie Garnet says:

    When our beloved brother died of a brain tumor I felt he was clinging to life
    to spare our parents. I talked to my Mom and begged her to let him go in
    peace, no guilt. Just spare him the battle. She wrote him a letter and read it
    to him that he was the best son, brother, husband and Dad and it was now his
    time for peace. I know that it was humane that my brother was a person of
    such a gentle nature and his was more of a concern about those who remained.
    Tell Stella you are all ready now and all you want is her release from pain and
    that you understand and will all be strong for her. Give her that gift so she can
    let go. Dying is hard a Rabbi told me and it is. May G-d grant you all strength.
    Evie

  26. tanya says:

    want to daven for her for rachamim. can you please give me her hebrew name? thank you and may we merit to have moshiach come soon and erase all suffering from this world.

  27. Rebecca Kaufman says:

    May Hashem allow the tzadekis we all know and love not to suffer any longer. May she be elevated to Gan Eden to sit next to Hashem.

  28. Liz says:

    Yarden, my thoughts are with you, and your children, and your family. Even though I have never met you, I have been touched by your story. Long ago, nearly thirty years ago, far away in Manchester, my own Mother slipped away Erev Shabbat, in June… after she had said goodbye to all her loved ones over a period of a few days.. I was older than your kids are, I was 21, and my sister was 19.
    They say that God takes the good people just before shabat. I pray that he will be merciful and end her suffering, and yours …. soon.
    So many people who dont know you have shared your post and I hope that the circle of love with encompass you all and make things just that little bit more bearable…

  29. ari kahn says:

    ื”ืžืงื•ื ื™ืจื—ื ืขืœื™ืš ื‘ืชื•ืš ื—ื•ืœื™ ื™ืฉืจืืœ.
    ืฉื•ืœื—ืŸ ืขืจื•ืš ื™ื•ืจื” ื“ืขื” ื”ืœื›ื•ืช ื‘ื™ืงื•ืจ ื—ื•ืœื™ื ื•ืจืคื•ืื” ื•ื ื•ื˜ื” ืœืžื•ืช ื•ื’ื•ืกืก ืกื™ืžืŸ ืฉืœื”

  30. Diane LaFlamme says:

    Oh Yarden, I had to say good bye to my sister when she was in the same condition of Stella! The nurses that were by her side were very wise when dealing with family members experiencing this horrific suffering. They approached us and said, someone in the family has not released her. It showed me how powerful our prayers and spirits are. As it turned out, my dear old dad, finally said in his heart that the daughter that he was the closest to, could go home! G-d will restore your joy and Stella’s spirit will be always in your heart!

  31. Carla says:

    Wishing Stella peace,strength and gentleness to move on and be at rest. Our love to you and your family.

  32. Sandra says:

    So sad. May G-d take her to HIM soon and her suffering end. My prayers for the family who will miss her.

  33. Sarah Barak says:

    Yarden, you absolutely have my prayers for your family, that all of your suffering will end. This is actually such a service to post this, I felt compelled to comment further: I remember when my father was actively dying of cancer, I was fervently praying for him to die. I asked a very compassionate nurse at the Mayo Clinic, “Am I a total sicko for praying for my dad to die?” She said, “No. You are totally normal. You see that there is no other way for this to end, your father is suffering, and you want all of you to be able to move on.” I found that extremely comforting. I can’t help but reflect on how much Stella’s life inspired me, and now you both are inspiring me in her death. With love, Sarah

  34. Hedda says:

    Yarden, My heart goes out to you all. May Stella’s suffering end. May you all find the peace and comfort you deserve.

  35. Sharon says:

    Go in peace my sweet Stella. May your contagious smile remain in the hearts of all of us who love you.

  36. Mike Eastman says:

    Peace.

  37. Mary Bruck says:

    Prayers for peace for Stella. I’m sure you’ve already told her that it’s okay to go, but I know that helped my mother pass. I share your tears and send love to you and your family.

  38. Bill Landau says:

    Yarden – I will continue to pray that Hashem grant Stella relief. Until the last couple of weeks, had been hoping that relief would come in the form of a refuah, but knowing that was not likely. May He release her from her earthly bonds and her suffering. I know what you are going through, although we were blessed that Sheila’s release came a little sooner. Love to you all.

  39. Iris says:

    Stella’s spirit is like a butterfly flying home. We love you and pray
    for the strength and peace you need at this time.

  40. Sheila Rinde says:

    We are praying for complete Rachamim speedily for Stella and your entire family.

  41. Naomi Singer says:

    Davening for Hashem to remove Stella’s suffering, as only He can do.

    Yarden, you and your family are in our thoughts, hearts, tefillah’s at this difficult time.

    Good Shabbos!

  42. Sharon Baratt says:

    Dearest Yarden,
    As hard as this is for you and your family, all of you need to tell Stella that it’s okay to give up the fight and go home to G-d. It’s been my experience as a nurse that people who are dying will hang onto life in order to spare their families. This is the hardest thing you will ever do. My prayers and love are with all of you that G-d grant all of you peace and compassion.

  43. Malka says:

    Yarden and Stella you are in my prayers. May she find peace and be with Hashem.

  44. Clark says:

    You request for this prayer hit home with me. My mother past away this past Simchat Torah. A week before she died, she had said something very similar “don’t talk, don’t fee me.. if you feed me how am I supposed to die.” She was not in as much pain as she was unable to breath due to lung cancer. I pray that your Stella’s suffering end so that her Neshama can be at peace and you can be at peace knowing she is in a better place.

  45. Steve Wolinsky says:

    So sad to read. We will daven to Hashem to please do what Stella needs and wants.

  46. We are friend’s of Stella’s mom and dad….we send prayers and love to all of you. My friends have also been praying for all of you. My sincerest prayer is that she comes to peace with G-d and as a family you can let Stella know it is okay for her to go and be with G-d and that you will all be okay. She will always be with you. It is at this point between G-d and Stella. You will always be in our prayers.

  47. R. M. says:

    I pray that her pain ends, and that all who love her find comfort in knowing that she no longer has to feel any of it.

  48. Lenart Brave says:

    Remember Book of “JOBS”, We never know how he ends this , but our prayers will be answered. praying for the peace for her.

    Have FAITH.

  49. Kiwi Noa says:

    Standing with you in this terrible time. I was in the same situation only a month ago and it is devastating. I am praying that her soul and spirit will be captured by G-d as her body finally is released.
    And may G-d hold you close, sustain and comfort you and your children in your hour of need.
    Kiwi hugs

  50. zelda Burkey says:

    I have been following Stella for months now maybe even more. 16 months ago my husband died of a form of stomach cancer at Shaarei Tzedek. They were amazing but at the end all I wanted was for hashem to take him. I stopped at a a brit on the way back to the hospital.My friend said she was davening for Emery. I said Daven for hashem to take him quickly. The baby had just had his brit and been given a name she was now nursing him. She closed her eyes and started davening. She looked at me afterwards and said I sent your request straight to heaven. By the time I got back to the hospital 15 minutes later my husband was gone. All I saw was total tranquility lying there. I am davenin to hashem to open the gates of shmayim for her quickly so that all of you will be at peace

  51. Abby says:

    I have prayed for ืฆื•ืจื™ื” ื›ื•ื›ื‘ืช ื‘ืช ืฉืจื” using the formulation that Ari Kahn provided. My whole heart goes out to you and your family.

  52. Yonina Cohen-Arnheim says:

    Dear Yarden,
    I don’t know if you will have time to read this. Since your last post my brother-in-law’s mother Chana passed away. (Monday) She was in the same final stages as Stella when you wrote itand I read your post wondering in the back of my mind who was going to go first. I actually even passed it on to my sister and one of my nephews.

    I just want to say soon, soon. I am so sorry for her suffering. So sorry for you to have to bear to witness her suffering. No one should have to endure this.
    It is too awful to even think about your children having to go through this.

    I pray.

    Yonina

  53. Ruth S. says:

    May it be as pulling a blade of hair from a glass of milk.

  54. Rivki Himelstein says:

    Yarden.
    My grandmother is 96.5 years old and she has always said- It should be with Rachamim- mercy- that is what one should pray for. And that is what we are praying for now. Rachamim for Stella, you nad the family. Our thoughts and prayers are with you

  55. Rachael says:

    Thank you for sharing- it must be extremely beyond difficult to type those words. But I just want to say that Hashem can still make miracles!! 2 months ago I was also living on morphine patches and pills and IV drips and shots, in unbelievable pain, literally asking for Hashem to end it for me, having not eaten for weeks. I am now on the path to recovery from stomach cancer though- Hashem really gave me miracles. I am able to walk and eat, recovering slowly….I will keep davening for you that things should turn around.

  56. Rivkah says:

    Yes. I know how to pray prayers like this. For whatever it’s worth, I am here for you.

  57. toby says:

    You’re in our thoughts constantly, and we pray for all your family’s suffering to end.

  58. Hana Julian says:

    May Hashem grant ืฆื•ืจื™ื” ื›ื•ื›ื‘ืช ื‘ืช ืฉืจื” the freedom to fly, may her neshama be freed from its tortured and broken earthly shell and be permitted to soar to the heights of elyon, and may the suffering end. May the Creator of us all grant you and ืฆื•ืจื™ื” ื›ื•ื›ื‘ืช ื‘ืช ืฉืจื” peace, and serenity, and an end to the pain and may you merit to guide your wife through the passage from this world to the Next. In this way, you will see and understand — truly — that you were RIGHT to ask this on her behalf and will no longer beat yourself up over it. May the True Judge help.

  59. Yarden I’ve been praying for your strength and peace, please give us an update when you can. Shavua Tov

  60. yechiel aaron says:

    We all pray for a refuah shelemah. The shelemah part is for a full refuah and/or a full peace. We must do our part. The rest is up to G-D. May you and your family be blessed with the full comfort and peace that you seek.

  61. Yehudis says:

    I pray that her pain is removed and she passes with rachamim- but I don’t agree that prayers are at this point are being “counter- productive” No prayer is ever wasted- they may not be helping your beloved Stella unfortunately but they are changing the world in a significant way that us mere mortals will never be able to see or understand.

  62. Dan Ostroff says:

    Release and peace. Tefillot for you and your family.

  63. Rebekah says:

    Rachael from Israel, you recovered from stomach cancer? Can you share more of that story?

  64. batya says:

    May G-d have mercy on the entire family, rachmanut.

  65. Stephanie says:

    Thinking of and praying for you all.

  66. Tracey Cutler says:

    My heart breaks… Knowing… Hearing of the untolerable amount of pain that Stella is going through. Imagining the scene of your existence, bearing witness to the end of a life, your most beloved being eaten away by such a monster – words cannot express the sadness and horror of it all. I pray now, let the loving light of G-d shine upon Stella, may she take “his hand” at this very moment, rising up to meet “him”…leaving her earthly body to join with loving souls who have gone before her. She is comforted and finding an all encompassing peace, knowing that she has finally come home. Let the love of the heavens surround your family, sending rays of sunshine touching each of your hearts, fiilling your spirits with the comfort and knowing that all is well in the name of G-d. Amen.

  67. Yitzchak Van Leeuwen says:

    Yarden, this is the most terrible stage if your ordeal. Be strong. Our prayers are with you like you asked. May Hashem put an end to the suffering and help you withstand the immense blow. Yitzchak

  68. Rachael says:

    Rebekah- I’m on the path to recovery- Exactly last year they discovered it- Stage 3 signet cell adecarcinoma. I went through 12 chemos, 27 radiations, and a gastrectomy throughout this past year. (Here in Israel). I also had some complications which made the treatments unbearable. Now I am recently considered post-treatment, and am being closely followed with regular CT scans, treatments for recurring illnesses as a result of my low immune system, and BH I will soon be injected with vaccinations based on the stomach cancer tumor to prevent future tumors. I am still not fully functional, but am getting there! I don’t want to take more attention from this original post, so if you have any other questions for me you can email me at zebra2116 at aol dot com ๐Ÿ™‚

  69. Annie says:

    Yarden, I don’t know you… you don’t know me… but thank you for sharing with us something so unbelievably raw.. I too had to come to terms with saying goodbye to somebody close.. I too could not daven for a refuah shelema… or for her to go…
    I just had to let go… and give it over to hashem..
    Hashem… whatever you do, it should be for the best…
    I am so sorry for your pain…
    Hopefully Hashem will see our tears and make this easier for the both of you..

  70. Shoshana says:

    I could have written this over a year ago. My husband was as your wife is now, and I prayed for Hashem to end our suffering. And in His Great Mercy, Hashem released my husband’s neshama from his broken body. He was 51. I, like you, have felt the fall off the cliff. I, like you, am scarred from the witnessing of my late husband’s intense suffering.

    You will crash, and with Hashem’s help, you will get up. And you might feel grateful for the release of your wife from her broken body. It’s the most loving and precious thing you can do. Live in her honor. Every day. Live.

    But not yet, first you have to experience the grief, the mourning, the extreme sadness and challenge of finding your life. You know what I mean.

    May you have the strength to be what your wife needs, what your children need, and who you need to be. Because, after all, when the mirrors are uncovered, you will look at yourself and see the great man your wife loved and was strengthened by.

  71. Rebekah says:

    Rachael that is very good. Thanks for sharing and offering the e-mail. Thanks for giving Hashem credit for miracles.

  72. Pinny says:

    Yarden
    Stella’s situation is connected to a greater dilemma regarding justice and suffering in this world. I doubt anyone can apply one solution to this age old mystery. As a believer on G-D I resolve to believe that some how in a larger perspective an answer exists, though personally I have long given up seeking it. Life can be a grueling uphill, friends can assist in the climb but cannot change the topography. As much as I can I will be there to assist. I will in the mean time pray that Stella’s suffering will be over soon.

  73. Laurie Cohen says:

    Praying for Hashem’s compassion and mercy, and kindness to end this suffering. And to bring comfort to Stella.

  74. Devora says:

    I pray for you and your family to have much strength in this terrible time.

  75. Art Link says:

    So sorry that she has been subjected to so much pain and suffering, and that you have been a witness to it. We pray that the suffering will end soon… and by the grace of G-d when that happens, that a miracle will make it possible for BOTH OF YOU to look back at this as a terrible memory.

  76. yechiel aaron says:

    u-main

  77. Andrea says:

    I read about your wife’s plight and your blog tonight and I just want you to know that although we are strangers, I wish you strength and condolence and your wife an end to her suffering.

  78. Chana Batya says:

    Davening for both of you.

  79. Lorraine says:

    I was reading this as it was sent by Valerie in Belfast. I will pray that the Almighty will carry Stella home tonight. Out of this world of suffering and into life everlasting. May He bless you both at this tender time with His Love and Mercy.