If she can't join why would I want to?

My mother used to tell me of a country club in Cardiff, Wales where she grew up that had a sign at the entrance “No Dogs or Jews.”

Sounds shocking when you think that: 1) As part of the UK, Wales was on our side in the war, and 2) How can people feel so free to express such racist beliefs in public. I’m sure glad that was so many years ago. No civilized people would dare express such notions in today’s enlightened world, right?

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Won it without even trying!

By now of course, you have heard the news that I have been awarded the Olympic Gold medal in cycling. For a long time I was worried that I would never win it, especially considering that I am not actually a world class bike racer. Apparently, we now live in an age where actual accomplishments are no longer a determining factor in receiving even the highest public honors.

The committee that awarded me the gold medal said that while I did not really win any bike races, there was an unanimous feeling that I have done a “great deal to create conditions for the winning of bike races.”

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Maybe an investigation of Angolan child soldiers?

Anyone want to go to Angola?

According to the U.S. State Department, Angolan human rights abuses include:

• unlawful killings by police, military, and private security forces;
• torture, beatings, and harsh and life-threatening prison conditions;
• corruption and impunity;
• arbitrary arrest and detention;
• restrictions on freedom of speech
• forced evictions without compensation; and
• discrimination and domestic violence and abuse against women and children.

Not sounding like too much fun?

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Want to see evil?

An evil man?

An evil people?

Check out some of the news reports of the celebrations in Lebanon. The great, mighty hero of Lebanon is returning “commando” Samir Kuntar, “the Brave.” Crowds are cheering his name, passing out sweets, dancing in the streets because this celebrity of terror has returned home.

Not to let anyone down, Kuntar the Brave told the adoring masses that he will continue his brave struggle against the Zionists. A huge banner on the stage behind him read “Joy in Lebanon, Pain in Israel.” The banner was written in English just to make sure the world gets the message. Terror has won.

What were the mighty acts of heroism that make Kuntar the Brave a role model for Arab children the world over? Just how did he achieve victory over the Zionists?

On a warm Spring night, Kuntar the Brave and his commando team stormed the beach in Nahariya. They snuck into a nearby Zionist apartment. There they discovered Danny Haran and his six year old daughter Einat.

Kuntar the Brave led the two Zionists back to the beach. When he got there, he shot Danny. Then, to make sure that he had killed him, he held him under water. All this in front of Einat, the six year old Zionist child.

Next, Kuntar the Brave smashed the young Zionist’s head in with his rifle butt. The child Zionist was tough and he had to smash her head repeatedly until she was dead. But Kuntar the Brave was not done yet. He returned to the Haran’s apartment and started searching for the Zionist mother and any other Zionists.

The Zionist mother had been hiding with her two year old Zionist daughter during the attack. They were in a small crawl space by the bedroom. The terrified Zionist child started to cry while Kundar the Brave was searching the apartment. In a nightmare perhaps as great as anything Smadar Haran experienced as a prisoner in Auschwitz, she accidentally smothered her child to keep her quiet.

Soon police arrived and Kuntar the brave was able to kill one more Zionist before being subdued. He was sentenced to four life imprisonment sentences and left to rot in prison, until this week.

So that’s it. The entire life of Kuntar, the Brave. Sneaking into someone’s house in the middle of the night and killing children. Makes you proud. Why not name a school after him?

Israel used to beat terrorism. It’s what we were known for.

When terrorists held our people hostage in Uganda, we flew there, shot them and freed our people. We got them back alive.

When Syria refused to release Israeli prisoners after the Yom Kippur War, our commandos snatched Syrian Generals and then used them to get our people back alive.

When an Iraqi nuclear reactor appeared to hold all of Israel hostage, we shocked the world by flying hundreds of miles to take it out.

Yet where is the Israel of old? What has become of us? Is the best we can do to release child murderers in order to get our people back in wooden boxes?

Are there any commandos left who can rescue Gilad from Gaza? Or will we just release more terrorists so that we can cry at Gilad’s funeral?

People say that rescuing Gilad would be impossible. People also say that stopping the Iranian nuclear program is impossible. But Israel’s entire history is based on a single theme, making the impossible happen. It used to be what we were known for.

Israel’s leadership should put down the envelopes of cash and sit in front of CNN watching the victory celebrations in Lebanon over and over and over again until they finally get it. It’s either us or them.

Yarden Frankl, Zionist
Neve Daniel

Yarden in Green

In Israel your choice of head covering is a political statement. If you decide to wear a black, velvet kipah and throw a hat on top, people may draw conclusions about where you live, if your kids will serve in the army, and whether you will have matzo ball soup at Pesach. You actually are telling the world a whole lot about your personality that may or may not be correct by wearing a “black top.”

On the other hand, wearing a big, white, knitted kipah could lead observers to conclude that you must believe the only solution to the Arab-Israeli conflict is to find lots of air-conditioned buses, play the movie Shrek Three, and bus our cousins over the Jordan. Again, this may or may not be true, but it seems that one of the few things that we can agree on here is that head coverings are the religious form of personal bumper stickers. Since dati people must wear something, even if you don’t really belong to the “black hat” or “kipah sruga” crowd, you must make a choice and accept the label that comes with it.

Of course, serious observers of Judaism will know that there are huge differences within our major hat groups. Within the “black community,” there are different streimals, homburgs, and Borsolinos that amount to a basic uniform. Chabad and Satmar have some huge, philosophical differences. But without the hat, you would be hard pressed telling them apart. (Important note, if you are mountain climbing in Tibet and need a Shabbos meal, you need Chabad, not Satmar. Find a guy wearing a hat, not fur.)

On the kipah srugah side, I have been told that white with a blue border makes you slightly more right wing than the rest of us, and an orange kipah is making a very obvious political statement. Black knitted is a sign that you want to be considered as frum as the haredi, just without all the mishagas.

So when I showed up in shul wearing a green, velvet kipah – many people started wondering what sort of political statement I was trying to make. Was I letting people know that environmental issues were now a priority for me? Perhaps I was looking to start up a new Jewish movement that mixes bicycling and Torah? Was I hoping to find some lost souls willing to become Yardener Chassidim and eat fish out of my hand?

To tell you the truth, I had found it in the back of a closet. Seeing the green, velvet kipah for the first time in years, I decided it could use a spin around Neve Daniel. The kipah was the last one left from my Bar Mitzvah. When I read my parasha back then, I didn’t know too much about Israel. In 1980, there were no Oslo Accords, no Neve Daniel, and everyone considered Yasser Arafat a terrorist rather than a Nobel Peace Prize recipient. The Camp David Accords had put the Arab-Israeli conflict to rest and there would finally be many years of peace.

Yet I was not thinking about any of that when I picked out my personalized Bar Mitzvah kipah. I was not thinking about how religious I wanted to be or my feelings about giving the land of Israel away. The only political statement I was trying to make was simple: “Hey, I like green.” And while many things have changed in the last twenty-seven years, I do still like green.

Don’t judge a book by its cover or a Yid by his lid.

Shabbat Shalom from our blessed nation.