Crossing the Yarden

By Yarden Frankl

Voting In An Alef Bet Soup

Although my guys did not win, it was nonetheless a memorable experience voting in Israel for my first time. Here I am in the country less than a year, and already I got to do my small part to shape the future of Israel.

O.K., so it seems that my small part was very, very small. I was very surprised at the results and have a somewhat implausible explanation.

In America, Al Gore lost the Presidential election to George W. Bush, largely because a bunch of Jewish "pensioners" in Florida voted for noted Nazi sympathizer Patrick Buchanan by mistake. Even Buchanan said that there was no way so many Jews could have voted for him. They had wanted to vote for Gore and were confused by the ballot. Maybe that would explain our elections.

Based on my own exit poll, conducted among my neighbors and other friends of Uri Bank, Ichud should have received 110 seats with the rest going to Marzel. I wonder how my prediction could have been so far off. Maybe the Gematria of Kadima, Labor, and the "Pensioners" ("Grouchy Old Men") party is equal to that of Ichud and the National Front.

Speaking of parties, do you think Israel has enough? I couldn't believe how many choices there were in the alef-bet soup that makes up the Israeli ballot. Luckily, I had brought my kids who could explain all the names of the parties.

One party was Milchama B'bankim, "the fight against the Banks." I found the whole notion of this party offensive. I know Uri Bank and his wife Tal. They are fine people. He was number sixteen on the Ichud list. Now while I accept that there are Israelis who don't agree with their politics, I find the concept of a whole party being formed against them offensive. Fortunately, not too many people voted against the Banks. I just wish more had voted with them. (What's that? Oh, the party is against the Israeli banking system? O.K., never mind.)

Also, why are there so many communist parties? There are Jewish communist parties, Arab communist parties, combined communist parties, etc. It seems that the only group who don't have their own communist party are the Russians. Maybe they know something?

Like the rest of Israel, I am very surprised at the success of the pensioners party. Now we all know that "pensioners" is just a polite way of saying "grouchy old men." (It's like in America when you hear of the "concerned traditional citizens" it really means "uneducated drunk racists.") The problem is, I really have no idea what this party's agenda is and what they hope to achieve. Perhaps a law mandating really hot soup? Will we now all have to eat dinner at five and turn down the music by nine?

I noticed there were two separate "green" parties. One of them wants to grow green things and the other one wants to smoke them, but I couldn't tell which was which. Now, green happens to be my favorite color, but I decided that favorite color plus unrealistic/wacky agenda was probably not a real good choice for voting.

Well, with the help of my five year old, I found the right letters and cast my first vote as an Israeli. Like in America, the process took all of ten minutes. However, unlike America, we then got a whole day off.

So now, all of us who had hoped that this election might prove to be a turning point in Israel's history must move on and not be disheartened. Whatever way we vote down here, the destiny of Israel is shaped by a much greater power than Kadima, Labor, or even the "hot soup" party. Remember, the true guardian of Israel never slumbers nor sleeps.

Shabbat Shalom from our always blessed nation.

© 2006 Yarden Frankl