When you ask me how Stella is doing, I might answer you.

Or I might turn my back on you and scurry away.

Either way, you will have my answer.

So now I probably confused everyone.

Didn’t Stella have the miracle operation? What happened to “She will be cured, she will be cured……(breathe)?”

Yes, that IS still the hope. But it’s a bit more complicated than that. Let me explain.

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I hate the nights the most.

I can’t remember the last time I made it through the whole night. It’s quarter to three in the morning and I have a 18km trail run planned in a few hours. Doubt that I’ll be sleeping before then. At least when I’m running all I need to worry about is making it up the next hill.

I’m tired but I can’t sleep. Does that make any sense?

Tomorrow is Yom Kippur. I guess it would be more accurate to say that tonight is Yom Kippur.

I wish I could write an inspiring post in preparation, but you know what?

I’m out of words.

What more could I say to G-d that I have not said already, over and over again?

So let me keep my conversations with G-d private this time and instead talk to all of you who are reading this blog.

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Smells good!

It’s Thursday afternoon, and I can smell chicken cooking in the oven.

Stella is feeling great, the kids are home, and she is making everyone’s favorite dishes for Shabbat.

When people cook for you and bring over prepared food, it’s very nice. We really can’t thank everyone enough who has helped out.

But it’s been too long since we have had the smell of cooking chicken waft through the house on a Thursday afternoon. The smell tells me more than that we are all going to have a nice dinner on Friday night. It makes our home feel special and wonderful and that everything is o.k.

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People have asked me about the picture of Stella that I used in the first post and have now put on my homepage. You know the one of her in the baseball cap with a big, glowing smile. It’s my favorite picture of her because it really represents her personality so well.

Here’s the scene. Last year, we had planned a big family vacation with my parents and my brother’s family. We went camping in a few of the national parks in the U.S. One that we visited, Bryce Canyon in Utah, is simply magnificent. If a scene can literally be described as breathtaking, it must be that of the rim of Bryce Canyon.

Now my brother had planned out a whole day of horseback (mules actually) riding. It is the best way to really see everything the Canyon has to offer. For us, living in Israel, an opportunity to go horseback riding in Utah does not come up that often. So we were very excited about the trip.

The only problem is that on the one day (booked months in advance) that we had planned for the trip, we awoke to pouring rain. Most of us started grumbling and decided to just scrap the day. Not Stella. She insisted that “it’s not so bad” (her favorite line no matter what the situation.) So while the rest of us were complaining, there she was smiling as if there were blue skies and warm weather. That’s when I took her picture, standing in the rain telling us all that it was going to be a great day.

And you know what? Shortly after we started, the sun came out and we had an amazing time. And I really think she simply willed the weather to get better just like she is going to will this cancer to go away. She has an inner glow.

And now she has an outer one too!

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Is it Tuesday?

I think it is. No, I know it is.

But only because I checked.

But sometimes, I feel that time no longer has the same boundaries as it used to.

When did this whole nightmare start? Just a week ago? Maybe a few more days, maybe a few less.

The test from yesterday was “good.”

So now we need to go to Tel Aviv for another test.

And then after that, another.

What an odd concept that we are actually eager to get to chemo.

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