Posts Tagged ‘home’


Sunday, January 8th, 2012

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Well, it only took a week (and half the time she was asleep) but Stella seems to have charmed all the staff of the eighth floor. No, she has not been able to make chesed meals for the other patients, but her friendly demeanor and attitude reverberates well with nurses who are used to being yelled at by people in pain. I mean think about it, could you smile and say “when you get a chance” if you were requesting morphine?

One nurse even gave her the nickname “Stellush Chamuda.” Loosely translated, it means “Dear Stelly.”

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A New Day

Wednesday, January 4th, 2012

Last night I came home from the hospital and tried to write an update. But I was exhausted and depressed and had nothing really significant to say. Since the surgery, Stella has been in a great deal of pain, both physical and (as I could tell from her usually smiling face) — mental. She was utterly despondent and nothing I could say or do would cheer her up. The nurses made her go from the bed to a chair which she hated because of the pain of sitting up. As soon as she could, she got back into the bed and closed her eyes in a morphine induced sleep.

I felt completely helpless and so I tried a few times to find some optimistic things to tell you, her Army, and I just couldn’t. I fell asleep with my laptop open on my pillow filled with sad words.

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Celebrating Life…..and Love

Thursday, September 15th, 2011

When we first got the invitation about a month ago, we didn’t know if we would be able to go. It was the wedding of a daughter of close friends and an event that we would never, ever have missed back in the BC (before cancer) days.

But of course, the life where we were in total control (or thought we were) has changed. “We’ll try” is the best RSVP we can give right now and then see how Stella is feeling on the day of an event.

But we really wanted to go to the wedding. And we put it on the calendar, knowing that it would be during a “good” week so chances were high that we would be able to attend. Still, the plan was to go for the wedding ceremony itself, maybe the first dance, and then get home early so we could at least say we were there and wished the Bride and Groom a hearty “Mazel Tov.”

We stayed until the band stopped playing.

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Fighting Cancer: The Wrong and Right Ways

Monday, August 8th, 2011

On Sunday, I had a work meeting downtown. After the meeting, I got on the bus to go home. It was hot and a whole crowd of people were pushing to get on, knowing that most would not get a seat.

An older woman avoided the crowd by getting on the bus from the side exit and sitting in a free seat. I happened to be one of the first ones on through the regular entrance. As I was moving back, she handed me her ticket and asked if I would give it to the driver so he would know she had paid.

I took her ticket and tried to make my way back to the driver. This was difficult because people were getting on who were intent on getting a seat. I said “excuse me” in my nicest Hebrew and explained that I needed a second to get up the the driver. But there was one guy who just didn’t care. Rather than letting me through, he pushed me and yelled “move!”

Something in me snapped. I have been walking around with a lot on anger lately. Usually, I can get it out when I run. That’s why some people have said they see me snarling when I go by. But on Sunday I woke up too late for a run.

So without thinking I pushed right back and yelled “F…. You,” right in this guy’s face. He responded by punching me in the chest.

I started losing control and pulled my fist back and for a second wanted nothing more in the world than to beat the crap out of him. In my mind, this guy was Stella’s cancer. I could finally do something to protect her instead of sitting around feeling helpless.

I heard people on the bus start to yell while others jumped out of the way. But mainly I was consumed with rage. I pulled my fist back and was about to throw the first punch I have thrown in a few decades.

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Home Cooking

Thursday, August 4th, 2011

Smells good!

It’s Thursday afternoon, and I can smell chicken cooking in the oven.

Stella is feeling great, the kids are home, and she is making everyone’s favorite dishes for Shabbat.

When people cook for you and bring over prepared food, it’s very nice. We really can’t thank everyone enough who has helped out.

But it’s been too long since we have had the smell of cooking chicken waft through the house on a Thursday afternoon. The smell tells me more than that we are all going to have a nice dinner on Friday night. It makes our home feel special and wonderful and that everything is o.k.

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