Won it without even trying!

By now of course, you have heard the news that I have been awarded the Olympic Gold medal in cycling. For a long time I was worried that I would never win it, especially considering that I am not actually a world class bike racer. Apparently, we now live in an age where actual accomplishments are no longer a determining factor in receiving even the highest public honors.

The committee that awarded me the gold medal said that while I did not really win any bike races, there was an unanimous feeling that I have done a “great deal to create conditions for the winning of bike races.”

At first I thought I had won because of my participation in the national bike race of North Korea. Then I remembered: I didn’t enter. In fact, I don’t believe the race directors there took my request to ride very seriously. The committee must have determined that just the idea of me riding among the starving, militaristic Korean masses was inspiring enough to grant me the medal.

Come to think of it, I haven’t ridden my bike in Central or South America, Russia, China, or anywhere outside of Israel for that matter. Still, a number of people who comment on this blog live somewhere on Earth and say they like my writing riding. Perhaps that moved the committee to make their decision?

No, it must have been my efforts here in Israel and in the famous “territories” that tipped the scale in my favor. Although I haven’t won any bike races here either, I have called out loudly for peace (usually when riding past Palestinians holding stones).

Did you get yours yet? Why not?

For whatever the reason the Committee chose to give me this medal, I will accept it and believe myself worthy. So I thank the committee for all their hard work at recognizing (and overlooking) my lack of world class accomplishment.

So now all those who stand equally undeserving of the highest honors the planet has to give should feel inspired. Just recite the slogan:

Even without accomplishment, Yes We Can win the adoration of a few Norwegian senior citizens.

Now, I need to go polish my medal.

Dear readers, please take a moment to sponsor me in the Alyn ride. We’re still short of our goal by $1,000. Please click here to help the children treated at Alyn Hospital. Thanks, Yarden