Posts Tagged ‘sun’

Night Run

Friday, August 3rd, 2012

Starting last night around midnight, a group of us ran from Bet Shemesh to the Kotel, a total of almost 39 kilometers. We got there just as dawn was breaking and were able to daven (pray) as the sun came up.

A night run is a completely different experience than running during the day. Often, with just a flashlight mounted on a band around your head, all you can see is a couple of meters ahead of you. You can be running fine and feeling great.

Then all of a sudden, the trail turns upward, and you may have no idea how long the climb will be. But you keep running. Or you could stumble over a rock that you had not seen, and you use your arms to try and catch your balance so that you don’t end up getting a mouthful of trail.

Since most of you are familiar with my writing, you know what comes next. I try and tell all of you to live and enjoy life like a night run. You never know when all of a sudden, the pleasant run becomes tougher and you’re not sure when the tough part will end. Or something comes up out of nowhere, and you need to find a way to stay upright and continue on.

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Longing for the Dawn

Sunday, October 23rd, 2011

 

I have said before that the nights are the hardest part for me.

I have lain awake countless times at around two or three in the morning, when my strength is gone and keeping the nightmares at bay is just too much.

Eventually, I give up on trying to get back to sleep and just “long for the dawn” as the Psalm (Tehillim 130) says.

On both a literal and figurative level, the battle with cancer is like one long night.

You long for the sun to come up because usually you feel a little more in control when the sun is shining.

You feel a little bit more hope with each new dawn. When Stella is up and we talk, I feel a bit more of a sense of normalcy and can often push the nightmares back into the box where they hide out.

But getting through the night gets harder and harder.

And I am getting really tired.

I’m tired of feeling helpless while Stella fights her courageous battle with the cancer that has turned our lives upside down. Demonstrating love and support and comfort are a given. Of course I do that as much as I can. But I need to do more.

So I have come up with an idea, and I hope you will join me.

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It Hurts

Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

Stella in the cancer curing Alyn jacket

I know it’s the chemo and not the cancer, but it is so painful to see Stella suffering. This cycle has been really bad so far. I sit holding her hand and just wish there was something else I could do for her.

Sorry, but this is not going to be one of those upbeat positive entries. In many ways, it is easier to write about hope and battling cancer than to actually watch someone doing so. I look at her beautiful face and think of all the smiles and laughs we have shared. I know, I know — this is not an urgent crisis, it’s just part of the chemo cycle and within a few days she will be up and about, walking the dog as the sun comes up, and going to work.

But I don’t really know.

I’m scared.

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Shabbat Shalom

Friday, July 15th, 2011

Responding to all the e-mails

Perhaps the most striking thing about the lives of Orthodox Jews  is the weekly Shabbat — Sabbath. A complicated set of rules and traditions governs every aspect of our lives from the time the sun sets on Friday evening until the appearance of stars on Saturday night.

While it may look like a period of restrictions — no work, driving, telephoning, sending e-mails, Facebooking, etc, the reality is that it is a time of communal celebration. While you could say that the prayer service in the synagogue is the most important part of Shabbat, I would argue that the festive meals we have with friends and family is just as central, if not more.

We have always enjoyed special Shabbatot (Sabbaths.)  And in a few hours, we will once again begin this weekly ritual that the Jewish people have maintained for as long as there has been a Jewish people. We will see good friends and relish in each other’s company. We will take a break from work, school, and maybe even a break from cancer. I want to think about roasted chicken now, not chemotherapy.

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