Today’s chemo appointment was postponed. That’s not good, not bad.
It just is.
But since Stella will not be dealing with the side effects tomorrow morning, I have decided to run the full 42.2 kilometer Jerusalem Marathon.
Yeah. I know.
It’s freezing, raining, and the wind is just howling outside my window.
But you know something?
Who the hell cares that the weather is a bit unpleasant.
Last night I lay in bed next to Stella watching the e-mails and comments come in from members of “Stella’s Army.” We were in the hospital and I was much relieved that the night staff did not try and throw me out of bed. I guess Israeli hospitals are different. When I asked someone if they were going to bring bedding and hospital pajamas for Stella, he pointed me in the direction of a closet and let me know that it is really self-service here (although they did not ask me to put in the IV.) On the other hand, I don’t know if I could have gotten away with crawling into the bed with Stella anywhere else, so all things considered, so far so good.
Around 2:00 AM, I considered getting up and writing a post. But I didn’t want to disturb Stella (not that she really needs sleep now!) Also, I was not sure exactly what I would write. So I just watched the e-mails and comments come in over my iPhone. And that’s when I realized what I wanted to write.
The following was the first thing I wrote on this blog (which was a newspaper column at the time.) Six years ago today.
First Thoughts
July 14, 2005
“Today is the Tomorrow that We Longed for Yesterday”The words from one of my favorite songs could not have been more appropriate as we waited to disembark from the Aliyah flight. After years of longing, we were finally about to step off the plane as citizens of Israel. I thought of all the pain of leaving the family and friends we loved. I was anxious about what our new life would be like. At the same time, I felt so proud that we had finally taken this step – that we had done what we talked about so often.
The flight had been like no other. The plane was an all-Aliyah charter sponsored by Nefesh B’ Nefesh. Exhausted but proud, we listened as we were welcomed “home.” Just hearing the word “home” brought tears to my eyes.
We stepped off the plane into the sunshine and heard our friends screaming for us from the other side of the barricade. They had made Aliyah the year before and had inspired us in our decision. I cannot relate the feeling of joy as I ran over and jumped the barricade into their welcoming arms. Our new lives in Israel had begun.
So now, here we are, six years later. We are facing an ordeal that makes making Aliyah seem easy. We are shedding tears, but this time not from a happy feeling of accomplishment, now they are tears because we are afraid. Our friends who were screaming from the other side of the barricade are still with us, holding our hands and being our “rocks.”
Is it Tuesday?
I think it is. No, I know it is.
But only because I checked.
But sometimes, I feel that time no longer has the same boundaries as it used to.
When did this whole nightmare start? Just a week ago? Maybe a few more days, maybe a few less.
The test from yesterday was “good.”
So now we need to go to Tel Aviv for another test.
And then after that, another.
What an odd concept that we are actually eager to get to chemo.
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