I have said before that the nights are the hardest part for me.
I have lain awake countless times at around two or three in the morning, when my strength is gone and keeping the nightmares at bay is just too much.
Eventually, I give up on trying to get back to sleep and just “long for the dawn” as the Psalm (Tehillim 130) says.
On both a literal and figurative level, the battle with cancer is like one long night.
You long for the sun to come up because usually you feel a little more in control when the sun is shining.
You feel a little bit more hope with each new dawn. When Stella is up and we talk, I feel a bit more of a sense of normalcy and can often push the nightmares back into the box where they hide out.
But getting through the night gets harder and harder.
And I am getting really tired.
I’m tired of feeling helpless while Stella fights her courageous battle with the cancer that has turned our lives upside down. Demonstrating love and support and comfort are a given. Of course I do that as much as I can. But I need to do more.
So I have come up with an idea, and I hope you will join me.